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“The grass is greener when you water it.” + FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

“How could you not know that about Cindy? It was on Facebook!”

Insert look of WTH? How did you NOT know that Cindy’s father won the lotto, that Amy’s starting a new business or that Fernando (your high school  friend’s little boy) just started walking?!?! HUH?!?!

Apparently, everybody out there is living it up -except you.

The FOMO plague…it’s here and I realized that, even my 5 year old has caught the FOMO bug.

Listen, it’s hard not to. With a swipe of your mobile device it’s revealed to you that EVERYBODY else (except you) is doing something A.W.E.S.O.M.E.R. than you are (Yes that’s a word…ask Tomas). I mean, it never occurred to you that you could build a snowman in the desert, until you saw your BFF from elementary school crowd funding  for the device she invented to make ice in the desert, right? Why didn’t you come up with that one?

And at that moment, FOMO swoops in, twerks right in front of your eyes and then waves and laughs at your inability to keep up.

It’s no coincidence that I came across an article written by Martha Beck in O Magazine back in 2013. Beck explains that we may argue FOMO to be healthy motivation. But the first of FOMO’s 4 words is fear -the opposite of healthy. Fear can get us moving, but never happily. Living in fear doesn’t improve the quality of your life; it haunts us, makes us tense and actually shrivels our internal organs. So how can we live within the FOMOsphere? Glad you asked.

Martha gives 3 phenomenal strategies that I want to share with you:

1. Realize that FOMO is based on lies. The life that you think exists for others, doesn’t really exist. The internet and media bombards us with an endless montage of momentary highs disguised as everyday activities. Evaluating other people’s real life experiences by their carefully curated instapics or selfies is like trying to navigate with binoculars that only show mountain peaks. When you feel FOMO, right there and there, remind yourself that what you are seeing is likely not to be happening. The whole truth is that many of us will spend hours mustering up the energy to take a shower today. No one wants to take a picture of that. But THAT there is the truth.

2. Fight FOMO with FOMO. Our feelings and behaviors are created by the words we use. Redefine the meaning of FOMO:

  • Feel Okay More Often
  • Find One Magnificent Object
  • Focus On Melting Open

3. Stop. When you feel FOMO creeping in, STOP. Close your eyes, breathe, center yourself. Realize the present moment and the blessings around you. See abundance, not lack.

What you’ve really been missing is today…that heartfelt talk with your high school girlfriend over coffee, reconnecting with your partner, tickle sandwiches with your kids (you should try them, they’re awesome!).

Listen to the whispers of your real inner voice that is telling you to chill, to be open and then you’ll realize how much is already available to you.

Have you caught the FOMO bug? What have you done to stop it in it’s tracks? Would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

I delve deeper into how to flip the funk and repel FOMO in my book. You can get it HERE.

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Another Year of #Fabulous!

I opened my eyes and took a breath this morning at 3:30 am. I pray that I have this kind of energy next year and the same amount of coffee!

I feel that birthdays are also moments to reflect on what has passed and what’s to come but more so, to bask in what is: the joy that is today.

I am counting my blessings: my family and friends and a business that allows me to do what I LOVE every day.

July is the month of the butterfly -no coincidence that my name Vanessa, also means butterfly.

My life has been a metamorphosis and this last year has really been a pivotal one for me. I’ve really stepped into the woman I am.

I am truer to myself than I’ve ever been. I pray for the strength and courage to continue to serve and to continue to find beauty in everything.

 

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

― Maya Angelou

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Fear Distances You From Reality

When you operate in fear, you operate from a perspective void of reality. Fear creates scenarios that have not happened, with conversations that have not taken place.

Fear assumes to know the outcome, and forces you to imagine a sort of rectification to compensate for the best outcome.

When you let fear drive your life, you give birth to a multitude of lies. Lies about yourself, others, your circumstances, your future, your family, your marriage, your work. Fear will wreak havoc in your mind, as most of it is built on half truths, sugar-coated with excessive falsities.

When fear drives your thoughts, you will find yourself spending most of your time preoccupied, battling demons inside your head. You will be skeptical of anyone and everyone, and your level of defensiveness will rise. You will have restless nights, and operate mostly on autopilot. When leadership demands so much more, how can you afford letting 60% or more of your thoughts be taken up by fear-driven outcomes? Your worth comes from being fully alert, not being half-dead.

When you fear, you cannot trust. When you cannot trust, you cannot lead. When you cannot lead, you are ill-equipped to guide those around you. Remember one thing: no matter what new situation you face, you will always enter into it with some level of apprehension. Fear may be there, but when you let it overtake your commonsense, and start predicting your future, then you will find yourself in troubled waters.

Fill yourself with God’s Word. His love and His Word drives out fear. Fear is a false prophet, and is in opposition to God’s spirit of love and self-control. When fear drives you, you are willingly opposing God’s sovereignty over your life. In fact, you are saying, “Let me worry about my circumstances. I will feel much better if I can control the outcome.” #trlfc #wearenotincontrol #GodIsLove

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7 Ways to Call Yourself Out on Your Own Bull$#!t

So much work goes into planning a project, specially one where your delivery involves the delivery of other people. You know, when your actions or results depend on the actions of of others.

That’s why delegating can become grueling and quite frankly as an entrepreneur, one of the biggest struggles you may find yourself in. But here’s the truth, you have to let others do what they do, so that you can do what you do. It is impossible to be in 3 places at 3 different times and those interactions with others, whether positive or not, are what fuel this thing called life. In short, you have to be willing to roll with the punches.

My friend and colleague Jennifer Tuma Young and I always gab about the fact that there is a lesson in EVERYTHING. Believe me Chica when I tell you, in EVERYTHING. I actually pointed this out to another colleague last week that when you live with that kind of openness, it’s actually incredible the many things you will be able to accomplish.

Over the past few weeks I have learned many, MANY invaluable lessons. So whether you’re on your personal or entrepreneurial journey, I hope these serve you as they have me:

  1. Listen to your gut. Even if it’s a tiny nudge or subtle whisper. It is God’s way of directing your ship and it is never wrong. The more you listen, the sharper you will become at weeding out the things and people in your life that do not serve you.
  2. When you’re feeling drained…unplug. Yes that means not checking your mobile device every 5 minutes. Reconnect with your spouse, your children, go for a walk, pray. Take at least 5 minutes to center yourself. If you do this every day, I promise you it will remind you of your why. And your why is what matters.
  3. Try and I mean really try to not take falling outs personally. Like Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Nothing others do is because of you.” NOTHING.
  4. Get over yourself. Not much more to say about that.
  5. Surround yourself with like minded people, specially those who aren’t afraid to call you out on your bullshit. Sometimes the path gets foggy and we need windshield wipers to help us see what’s ahead. Don’t be afraid to hear the truth from someone other than yourself. My partner Lynette Barbieri reminded me of how forgiving I am. I needed to hear it because I was so invested in a specific situation I was only seeing my perspective. It helped me get over myself (lesson #4) very quickly. When you’re too invested in any situation, it can be difficult to make objective decisions. So, don’t go to people who will tell you what you want to hear, but rather go to those that will help you see the lesson.
  6. A written contract holds invested parties accountable, but  at the end of the day your word supersedes. People will always remember the integrity in which you handled any given situation.
  7. Don’t be afraid to call other people out on their bullshit. Be that person others go to for clarity. The reality is that there is no gray area when it comes to the truth so, don’t be the one to dress it up for others. Nip it in the bud, throw the pity party and MOVE ON. There’s another opportunity waiting for them right around the corner which they might miss and you can help them see that.

Delegating doesn’t mean passing off work you don’t enjoy, it means giving others the opportunity to shine. Let others do what they do, so that you can do what you do.

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My Interview with Jane Wurwand, Founder of Dermalogica for Bella NYC Magazine

Dermalogica’s story begins in 1986. That was when this tenured, United Kingdom-trained skin therapist, new to the American “esthetician” industry, recognized that skin and body therapy continuing education was practically non-existent in the United States.

Wurwand put her education in action, opening a small classroom in Marina del Rey, California under the name the International Dermal Institute (IDI). She invited licensed skin therapists to get hands-on with the postgraduate training so critical to making them competitive in the business. Today, IDI is considered the international gold standard for postgraduate skin and body therapy training with 37 locations worldwide. 

While teaching at IDI, Wurwand noticed that no product line embraced her belief of skin health as opposed to beauty, so in 1986, Dermalogica was born. 

Their packaging may not be designed to color-coordinate with your vanity, but they use ingredients that work. The Dermalogica tribe also plays an active role in the community.  As a woman and social entrepreneur, it should be of no surprise to you why I wanted to share Wurwand’s story.

Read more HERE.

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Join ETTM 360º Academy for DIY PR

When small business owners create a business plan they often include advertising but neglect to include public relations, one of the most cost-effective methods for small businesses to raise awareness.

When a consumer sees third party coverage of a product or service, it is perceived much differently than a traditional advertisement.  When we see an advertisement, we know the company is trying to sell us something.  When a third party, such as the media, endorses a product or service, the company gains credibility.  Consumers are much more likely to make a purchase based on third party endorsement than an advertisement.

A consistent public relations program will help build general awareness of your product, service or brand and will supplement any direct marketing and advertising efforts.  This visibility also tends to make your business appear larger and more established than it may be, which may help you secure partnerships, customers and funding.

PR is also good for your bottom line. One good media placement can lead to a substantial increase in sales and tremendous growth, and because many small businesses have a unique story to tell, they are interesting to the media.

Learn to craft your own PR Startegy in this powerful workshop, register HERE.

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Beyond Fabulous Night at #FHBeyondMom Event

June 17th marked a very special evening. Randi Zinn of Beyond Mom Community and  Amanda Gluck of Fashionable Hostess collaborated on an event in which I had the opportunity to speak at.  Along with Arielle Fierman Haspel of BewellwithArielle.com (health coach, speaker, and blogger) we shared our perspectives on living beautifully on the inside and out.  I was honored to share in depth my story and #BellaNYCMag’s message that beauty is defined by you.

When you make the decision to live life finding beauty in everything that surrounds you, you can truly be happy and thrive.

Pampering and networking with like minded women was also part of the evening at the fabulous Hale Organic Salon in Tribeca.

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So You Think I’m a Bitch, Take a Number!

Yes, the subject line is intended to be what it is (insert chuckle, shock or SYH HERE).

Here’s the truth…the term is not one I throw around loosely AT ALL…BUT I have been called one, more often than I’d care to admit.

Name calling is something I have ZERO tolerance for. For me, when you choose to dispute a case, express your opinion or state your truth by calling someone a name…you have chosen to give the scenario a complete shift in energy. Simply put, name calling is disrespectful and quite frankly unnecessary.

We have the ability to choose the words we use to express ourselves, we can also choose to either turn those words into weapons or let them wash over you, like a river over stone.

If asking for what I want, need, am worth makes me one…alrighty then, I’m ok with that.

We know that words have power…however, more power is given to them by how we chose to react/feel towards them. If there is one thing I can leave you with this morning is this reference from this TMNT Episode my boys and I watch at least once week.

If my 5 year old can choose to let words wash over him, I hope you can too:

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FHBeyondMom Present: Beauty From the Inside and Out

I am so excited to be part of this fabulous event! Please see all the details below. I hope you can join us:

On Tuesday, June 17th Randi Zinn of Beyond Mom along with Lifestyle Blogger, Amanda Gluck of FashionableHostess.com present: Beauty From the Inside and Out at the stunning Hale Organic Salon in Tribeca, NYC. Get ready to indulge in an evening of experiential pampering, uplifting talks and dynamic networking.

 

We are welcoming some of the top beauty and wellness brands in NYC to share their products with our attendees. Attendees will enjoy services such as acupuncture, hair styling and facials and will walk away with gorgeous custom tote bags made by Au Lait with contents valuing $300. For deeper inspiration and ideas on the subject of “Beauty”, we are excited to present speakers Arielle Haspel and Vanessa Coppes.

 

The Speakers 

Proclaimed Nutritionist and Health Coach, Arielle Haspel of Be Well with Arielle will be conducting a lecture on “Beauty Foods.” Through healthy and delicious eating, Arielle inspires women to fall in love with their bodies. She has been featured on The Dr. Oz ShowSELF, Glamour, Women’s Health, Elle, NBC’s “Today in New York”, Daily Candy and Veria Living TV.

 

Vanessa Coppes is a mother, social entrepreneur, writer and the Social Media and Marketing Director for Bella NYC magazineHer recent book  Five Steps to Fabulous: Beauty Inside and Out speaks to the essence of embracing all the wonders of being a woman in our modern world. Vanessa encourages Moms to be artists, entrepreneurs, mentors and visionaries.

 

The Hosts

Amanda Gluck, Creator and Visionary behind Lifestyle BlogFashionableHostess.com, is a regular to the party hosting scene. Known for her chic tablescapes and event planning skills, she has been named an “amazing blog to follow” by StyleMePretty.com. Further press includes TheNest.com,Stylelist.com and Lucky Magazine. Connect with Amanda: @FashionableHost(Twitter) @FashionableHostess (Instagram).

 

Randi Zinn is the founder of Beyond Mom and randizinn.com. Born from a vision and the need for community connectivity, Beyond Mom offers Mixers, Seminars and Retreats for New York Moms. An entrepreneur and mom, Randi encourages moms to cultivate wellness and live life inspired. Randi’s writing is regularly featured on Fitbump.com, Epoch Times and Well Rounded NY. Connect with Randi: @randizinn (InstagramTwitter & Facebook)

 

The Venue

From the products they use to the air you breathe, Hale Organic Salon is the most environmentally friendly salon experience in New York City. Along with cutting edge color and cut, the salon is beautiful with re-purposed wood, wrought iron and enormous French doors. Salon owner, Joe Murray carefully chooses only the cleanest hair products to represent and use in his salon. For more information about this gorgeous salon check out these articles in New York Magazine and Well and Good NYC.